Upcoming Halloween releases

October has arrived, and with it, a slew of Halloween film releases to (maybe) look forward to. This year there are few actual horror films, but there is a refreshing amount of family and kids films. In fact looking at the upcoming releases, I may opt not to see any adult movies, but instead stick to the kids movies. Halloween is always a fun time to go to the cinema though, and so here is a list of all of the upcoming releases for Halloween this year.

ParaNorman (3D)- 14 September

ParaNorman is directed by Chris Butler- who worked previously on Coraline and The Corpse Bride but for whom this marks a directorial debut. Amongst its many stars are actors such as John Goodman, Anna Kendrick, Casey Affleck, Leslie Mann and Jeff Garlin with Kodi Smit-McPhee (who starred in the 2010 US remake Let Me In) in the title role of Norman. ParaNorman is a 3D stop motion animated film and centres on Norman, a young boy who, after his claims of speaking to the dead are disregarded by his family and most others, must take on ghosts and zombies, with the help of a small group of humans, in order to protect his town from a curse.

It is the first Halloween film I have seen this year, and is thoroughly charming and visually captivating- I would recommend it to both families and adults as one to watch before it leaves cinemas.

House At The End Of The Street -21 September

Like last year’s The Cabin In The Woods, which starred Chris Hemsworth, House At The End Of Street is a small horror film which strangely features a Hollywood star. Unlike that film, however, House At The End Of Street seems dull, unoriginal, and lacking. It seems like an odd turn for Jennifer Lawrence who, after the 2010 Sundance hit Winter’s Bone and now the Hunger Games trilogy, could probably have her choice of any role. The film also stars Elizabeth Shue as Sarah who moves into a new house with daughter Elissa (Lawrence). When odd things begin happening, the two discover that the house next door was once inhabited by a family, until the daughter killed her parents, fleeing, so that Ryan (Max Thieriot), the son is the lone survivor. When Elissa befriends Ryan, more events begin to transpire.

House At The End Of The Street  is a horror/thriller film, and while it has received mostly poor review from critics since its release, it may make for adequate Halloween watching.

Resident Evil: Retribution- 28 September

Somewhere in the world there is a Resident Evil factory (probably in the same industrial complex as those for the Final Destination, Paranormal Activity and Saw movies) that keeps cranking out film after uninspired film. The Resident Evil films seem to happen out of habit now, rather than any real artistic drive or audience demand. Directed by Paul WS. Anderson, the film stars Milla Jovovich as Alice, who must continue her fight against The Umbrella Corporation and zombie attacks, although this time Alice is hindered by some suburban antics, as well as the usual.

Zombies... infection... action... badassery... one liners, you know the drill. This film is perhaps an entertaining couple of hours, and appropriate Halloween watching, but not much else.

Hotel Transylvania (3D) -12 October

While I may be wary about some of the voice casting for this film (yes I’m referring to you, Adam Sandler) it is challenged by my intrigue of director Genndy Tartakovsy’s move into animated film direction. Tartakovsky is the writer/director/producer behind animated series Dexter’s Laboratory and The Powerpuff Girls, among others. 

The film stars Sandler as Dracula, the owner of a human-free resort for monsters, who must try to prevent his daughter from falling in love with an unexpected human guest Jonathan (voiced by frequent Sandler collaborator culprit Andy Samberg). It is another animated film to feature an all star cast, including Steve Buscemi, David Spade, Selena Gomez, Molly Shannon and Fran Drescher. 

Perhaps neither as visually exciting or charming as Paranorman, Hotel Transylvania has the potential for family Halloween entertainment.

Frankenweenie- 17 October

This is the long awaited feature film adaptation of Burtons’ own 1984 short film of the same name. Like the short film, it references the 1931 film Frankenstein, itself an adaptation of Mary Shelley’s 1818 novel.

 It is shot in black and white, using stop motion animation. Among the voice actors are frequent Burton collaborators Winona Ryder, Catherine O Hara and Martin Short. Frank Welker- one of the busiest voice actors in Hollywood, and the voice behind such characters as Fred and Scooby Doo from Scooby Doo, countless decepticons in the Transformers franchise, with 679 acting credits on imdb to date, voices Sparky Frankenstein, to dog who dies, and whom Victor (Charlie Tahan) attempts to bring back to life.

 

When Sparky dies, Victor is devastated, and determined to get him back, by whatever means. After some scientific experiments, Victor is successful in bringing Sparky back to life, but not everything goes to plan.

Frankenweenie has all the visuals you would expect in a Burton animated film, but perhaps more substance than some of his more recent work such as the summer release Dark Shadows or 2010’s Alice in Wonderland.

Paranormal activity 4- 19 October

As well as this marking the lead up to Halloween, apparently this October is also remake and sequel month. Like Paranormal Activity 3, the latest film is directed by Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost. It takes place after the second instalment, and so serves as a sequel (unlike the third, which is a prequel to the first and second). The studio has tried to withhold as many plot details as possible, but it will feature Katie (Katie Featherson) as she moves into a new home with Robbie- now known as Hunter (Brady Allen) whom she had kidnapped at the end of the second film. The film sees Katie’s neighbours become victims of strange paranormal activity themselves, following their interaction with her and Hunter. 

Like the previous films in the franchise, this is shot in a found footage style, using laptop recording and other such devices. Specifically designed as a Halloween film, and released just before the holiday, it is sure to serve its purpose, although it may not be everyone’s preferred viewing.

This month boasts a varied mix of theatrical releases, and thus ostensibly something for everyone. However, while there is a definite high quantity of films in cinemas over the next few weeks, the quality may leave a lot to be desired.  But whether you’re looking for a fluff piece or some serious scares, while many of these films won’t be in any critic’s favourites, you’ll get your Halloween fix.

Ring

A lament for my poor lost ear ring.

Oh ring in my ear

Where did you go?

For months,

 You and I, fused as one

A permanent ring in my life

My own little circle of life

And now, little ring, you have gone

Where?

I am lost. Abandoned.

My ear cartilage empty

My heart empty too.

And so I try to heal these wounds, little ring

I try to replace you

Foolishly

No ring fits

No stud sizeable

Itching, when I move

Hurting, when I sleep,

Uncomfortable, under a hat

No ring the same

As you, little ring.

But gone forever, and now

... Oh well I guess this one fits pretty well..

Yeah, that'll do.

FOOD FOOD FOOD

Yep. It's happened. I am now one of those people who takes photographs of their food. I'M SORRY.

Except, it's delicious, so maybe not.  I like to cook sometimes, though I'm probably not very good at it. Since I'm mostly too afraid to let anybody taste it- for crippling fear of rejection- I may never know.

But visually... well it's still probably sub par. (Which is the name I will choose should I ever own a restaurant).
 Lo and behold! Food!:

Rice cakes with fresh baby leaf spinach, fresh basil leaves, tomato, grilled mushroom and parsley. This picture is here because 1. this was a delicious lunch but also 2. as proof that this is longest I have kept a basil plant alive.

And again:

I try to eat all my food on a window ledge.

I made this one a couple of months ago before I became the half-assed vegan I am today.
Cous cous salad with fresh baby leaf spinach (I a bit of a spinach-phile), red onion, feta cheese, cucumber, pinto beans and chick peas

Webcam photo (SORRY) of spicy cous cous (garlic, coriander, black pepper, chilli, cayenne and parsley) and a spicy bean burger (which I did nit make but put in the oven all by myself).

A similar cous cous salad to the one above but with lemon I think (you get the drill)

My camera was down for a while and so I present to you a really poor webcam photo I just had to take because this was pretty amazing. Falafel salad on gluten-free brown bread; with houmous, cucumber, scallions, yellow pepper, and a sort of side salad with salsa relish/salsa. I basically just went crazy on chickpeas and made a large tub of houmous and many adorable falafels. It was..... falafelly good.

Youtube videos ahoy!

I need a wonderful new webseries! One that blends humour with intelligence! One that features two young Irish women! One that is ridiculous and fabulously crafted and has me screaming for more!

Alright, ALRIGHT. Calm down, people of the internet! Jesus Christ.

Relax, I have found you such a series; Dunnestello City. Two girls, one city, and a whole lot of S.E.X. (probably not).

My friend and I make youtube videos sometimes (sporadically) because we need to channel the massive comedy intensity that's brewing in our collective brain.

Give this video a look see, you won't regret it (probably)


We do things like this:

"Jesus Jesus!" - "JESUS?!"

And this:

I'm really sorry your entire family died.

Pan's Labyrinth at the IFI Temple Bar

The IFI in Temple Bar in Dublin is one of my favourite places.

Not just to see movies, but to hang around looking mysterious.

This month they're screening some of their most successful films from over the last 20 years as part of their 20/20 landmark films season.

 These include some of my favourite films- Alfed Hitchcock's Vertigo and  Guillermo Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth. 

What could go wrong?

Here's an article I wrote about the season and Pan's Labyrinth for Film Jam


So check out my mini review (and the film season itself, if you live in Dublin), they're one hundred per cent guaranteed to improve your quality of life.

Bachelorette (2012) Review

Here's a review I have written for the Leslye Headland's film Bachelorette, starring Kirsten Dunst, Isla Fisher and Lizzy Caplan.

Unfortunately, for me, the most interesting thing about this film was how Caplan and Adam Scott just reminded me how much I miss Party Down, and how excited I am for the that upcoming movie.

But this movie itself is... you know.. well it's grand. You know?

G.O.B, Wife of G.O.B marriage collapses- so does my world

I'm not really a believer in eternal love. Nor am I a fan of tabloids or gossip sites or any of that really- Brangelina is one of the Kardashian sisters, right?
But this Amy Poehler and Will Arnett business has broken this harsh exterior I call my face hole. As two of my favourite bringers of pure joy, I was upset that their wonderful union of minds has come to an end- no more youtube interviews, bloopers, or silly interviews- let us all taste each others tears for a moment, taste the sad. 

Frankly I don't care about their personal lives, the actual divorce- soz baby kids about your parents and all- and I'm sure it was amicable- as creators of happiness, how could it not be? And considering that Jason Bateman- official best friend of Arnett- appeared in a recent 'Boys Minute' for Poehler's Smart Girls at the Party channel, I like to think they're all best friends. 

But still, the question quietly burning on minds across the nation- WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR WIFE OF G.O.B??!

But it was lies

I think I’ll be contemplating this from my bed for a while. My bed of tears.

Requiem for a piece of edam.

·        Ode to a once loved friend.

Oh beautiful slice of edam.
Sitting on my plate.
So creamy and innocent...
But you’ll soon have to go,
oh piece of edam.
Into my belly.
And I don’t know when I’ll see you again,
oh piece of edam.
But for tonight, its just the two f us,
and you are so faithful to me,
so trusting and loyal.

And now the two become one.
I mourn your death with my salivating mouth,
and my full stomach.

Magic Mike and the Magic of Double Standards.

 Channing Tatum is starring in a movie about Male Strippers! He's going to dance and show his (hot) body and perform in an arousing manner for the audience! Females all around the world can finally enjoy the magic of sexy dancing on screen like men have done for years! Feminists, you can rest easy, we have reached equality!

Or perhaps not.

Actors’ bodies are their tools. They are the main thing they use every day in their work, the main thing they make money with, whether they are good or bad looking, short or tall, it is their appearance that is often the most memorable, and that allows them to portray their various roles.

And this isn't necessarily a bad thing. After all, when we watch a film and television, we do just that; watch. We have chosen to fix our gaze on an actor or set of actors over anything else in the world. We are investing our time (and often our money) on these actors’ bodies and faces. 

Channing Tatum in Magic Mike

What I'm saying here is actors are aware that when they perform their job, their bodies are always on display. They are selling their bodies as part of this performance. However, when this performance is made more visceral, or perhaps- more visible- audience attitudes often change. 

For many years Channing Tatum worked as a stripper. Not on screen, but in real life, and for real money. He danced in his underwear and was paid for it. Now, in Magic Mike, Tatum is combining these two performances as he plays the role of Mike, the titular character and one director Steven Soderbergh has loosely based on Tatum's own past. 

Why is this all relevant? Well according to the media, it isn't. No more than for a little sex appeal and a little humour (headed to cinemas this July!).

But why not? Tatum not only worked as a stripper (the sin!) but now he has the audacity on screen to rub it in our faces (pun -very much intended). I am not making any value judgements on Tatum's line of work- past or present. He enjoys performing and I have no issue with that. What I do have issue with is the seeming double standard surrounding all of this. Not once has anyone called him any derogatory names or slated his past career and portrayal of said career now on screen.  In fact no critics or fans seem to be interested in his stripping past at all, and it's not as though he's not giving them opportunity. 

But for women with similar pasts, the same cannot be said.

Channing Tatum in, well, life. 

Diablo Cody (writer of Juno and Young Adult) recently said that she wondered why no one had placed the same judgements on Tatum as she felt had been placed on her, following her own work as a stripper. Her career as writer, she feels, has been permanently marred for some audiences and critics by the one year she spent stripping. Although she worked as a stripper for a sort of writer’s experiment- she used the experiences to blog about, and to journal and comment some of the goings on in the stripping community- her career as screenwriter has been impeded by critics and audiences, she feels not for the content nor style of her (Academy award winning) writing, but for the fact that she is still seen as just “some stripper”. For Cody, a ‘sordid’ past of sex work is inescapable, for Tatum, it is the subject of a personal parade.

I don’t wish for Tatum’s own career to be sidelined because of his similar background, I just find it curious that similar judgements have not been placed him now as have been on Cody, and feel it important to point out this seeming double standard.

We cannot measure to what degree, or even if, Cody’s career has suffered due to condemnation of her stripping- she has been amazingly successful in just a few short years, and is set to make her directorial debut in the near future- but what we can see is that opposition to her because of her stripping, and not the content or quality of her writing is existent and visible.

The double standard in this case is favouring Tatum. This seems to suggest that is ok for men to strip, but the same thing will degrade a woman, and make her a less credible business person. ‘Patriarchal society’, you scream? And perhaps, yes, because all of this is the result of pre-existing attitudes to women in society- women, who are either mother and carer- or slut and sex object, but never both, and certainly never businessperson. But who is Magic Mike aimed at? It’s a romantic comedy based around attractive scantily clad men, and while gay men may make up some of the audience, they are certainly not the studio’s target audience, no, that is women. So perhaps this may be a case of not just men delegitimising Cody’s career because she is just a woman and or stripper, but also of other women placing judgement on Cody, since, as the target audience for this upcoming film, they have remained curiously silent.  

The film itself looks like an adequate piece of entertainment, a predictable but perhaps fun little thing with which to pass a couple of hours, particularly if you enjoy Channing Tatum's body, which is, incidentally, what they probably should have called the movie.

Magic Mike trailer available here

Fashion; An Investigation.

A while ago I was at a friend’s watching a programme by the prophet Gok Wan- How to look good naked. His advice for clothing, hair and make up is... inspirational. But I soon discovered that this programme had originally aired back in January 2008. I feel like such a fool. I’ve been going around dressed FOUR YEARS out of date.

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time after this discovery educating myself about the fashion world, and I like to think that I have learned a thing or two, which I hope to pass on.

Looking at one of the more important fashion events of this year- The Oscars (it also does films)  I gained important insight into some of the do’s and don’ts in fashion for 2012, and a lot of inspiration to boot.

So here you go- just some of my observations:

Octavia Spencer (hand-beaded, ivory silk tulle Tashdi Shoji gown)

Here’s what one stylist had to say about Octavia Spencer’s outfit for the event;

“This is a perfect dress for a plus-size woman. Pulls you in to give the illusion of an hourglass shape. Wonder how many Spanx she’s wearing underneath..”
He’s totally right! No one would ever guess how hideous she really is under that dress! Way to go Octavia! We forgive you for insulting us with your body now.

Melissa McCarthy (custom gown by Marina Rinaldi) 

Here’s another one at it! What was she thinking?! Firstly she has the audacity to look like that, but secondly, unlike Octavia, she doesn’t even try to hide it. As the designer noted- “Plus size fashion is supposed to compliment, not insult! I’m offended!”
I know right? The whole idea of ‘plus-size fashion’ is that it gives you a chance to make up for your body image, if you’re not going to do that, then stop hurting our eyes.

After such profound inspiration from fashion designers and looking at some red carpet styles, I was able to make my own observations which I hope will be helpful. Here are some of my redcarpet ‘dos and don’ts’ for 2012:

Don't

Ellie Kemper blinds in this Armani Prive dress!

 Can you say sunglasses? What was she 

thinking? It’s blinding and yet I can’t look 

away. She certainly draws looks in this 

number!

Do

Ellie Kemper sparkles in this Armani Prive dress! Can you say gorgeous? It's Dazzling and eye catching, she certainly draws looks in this number!

While the fashion world remains somewhat of a mysterious iceberg to me, the tip of which I have only just hit, and with much learning and studying left to do, at least now I know that this is what people are wearing for 2012.

Memoirs From A Sixteen Year Old Me

I had just discovered the internet.

13 July 1997

We've been sailing for 5 days now, and already its beginning to set in. Roberts has been searching the open waters every day with his naked eye, but to no avail. There is a fear we will run out of food because Jenkins keeps eating it. But we daren't say a word for fear of upsetting the man, who has recently lost his dog Alfred. Maria maintains that we should be sailing north, but since none of us owns a compass, we're not sure where this is. There was a brawl tonight over supper, McGuff wanted to watch Law and Order, but there was a particular gardening show on that Harrod was keen to see. In the end Stevens brought out the second widescreen. We don't know if the weather will keep mild, but Harrod has prepared a jug of lemonade just in case.

My Helpful Guide to (Your) Lent Resolutions that Can Help The World.

Dearest.
This blog  post will not be too flashy or exciting, but if you stick with it, you will see that i have included a great surprise.

(this may be a lie, depending on your definintion of surprise) (and great).

It’s coming up to Easter, and the whole lent thing, where people pretend they’re going to stop doing or eating certain things for a while and then reward themselves by doing all of these things later and in abundance. I don’t partake in this tradition, firstly because I’m not Christian, but also because I think if you’re going to give something up, why not do it for good, or else just do less of it? On top of this if I was going to keep them (IF) I would not choose some of the most depressingly cold and uneventful couple of months to do so.

So instead, here is a list of things that I wish other people would stop doing.

You’re welcome.

1.  Getting so close behind me in a queue that I could file harassment charges. 

NO ONE should be allowed to get as close to you as happens in a queue. For some reason for me this always occurs at the bank (a hive of sexual activity, naturally). Just because I rearrange my leg slightly in a forward direction, this is not an invitation for you  to climb on top of me. This is especially annoying given that we can see that the queue goes on for precisely 1.8 miles. 

 2.  Misusing the word ‘Flu’ when you clearly meant ‘COLD’.

You don’t have the flu, your nose just sort of twitched for a moment there, you will be ok. Please stop doing this forever now. Thanks.
People die from the flu, people become mildly uncomfortable with the cold, and mostly only when they don’t have a tissue.

On top of this crime, I know a woman who to this day still misuses the word 'Sunstroke' when she actually means mild sunburn. But she probably also thought that vodka only turns to alcohol if you let it sit. She was basically this person. (Maybe more withholding)

3.Cutting  your nails with a nail clipper to a rhythm on a bus. .

I have only witnessed this on one occasion, but I shivered more than I have shivered in my life.

 4.  Saying you’re poor...when what you actually mean is that you can’t buy that many shoes this week.


  5. Current frequent use of the word Vintage

        as in “Is that scarf vintage?” No. No it is isn’t. I found it at the back of my wardrobe under a pile of shoes if that’s what you mean. 

6..    Toilet ladies.  

     I could go on and rant about this but I know I would never get it as well as this. 

  

     (skip to 1:35)

          

           

9   7.  Bad phone connections- even when its my phone/ signal that’s at fault, I get so illogically angry at the person at the other end. Probably exacerbated by the fact that we have to shout to hear each other. Somewhere along  the line the shouting stops being acoustic driven and starts being fury driven.

     I’ve lost friends over this one.

Here’s a picture of a  cat.

Lent starts February 22nd 2012 in all good bookshops.